As you can see this XML is different from the one you are reporting. The XML that you are receiving is the one you receive while retrieving a user’'s roster.
I guess that the confusion could come from assuming that the sent roster entry becomes automatically part of the roster. The user that will receive the entry needs to listen for roster entries receptions and decide if he/she wants to add the received entry to his/her roster. You can follow this link to learn how to listen to roster entries receptions and add them to the roster. http://www.jivesoftware.com/builds/docs/smack/latest/documentation/extensions/ro sterexchange.html#riercventry
Let’'s say that user_1 is sending his entries to user_2. Could you paste the XML stanzas that are being sent by user_1 and received by user_2?
To see a running example of roster entries exchange you can download the Developer Edition which includes test cases. Take a look at the test case org.jivesoftware.smackx.RosterExchangeManagerTest.